Well, after a month of horrifying debauchery and self-indulgence that only a fat stoned king would consider good fun, I'm a working man again! Thanks to my buddy Katy (who got me out of writing boring articles in college, who I then made join Automaton City, which ended up scoring her a book deal, so maybe we're almost even?) and her dedicated to charity work for local idiots, as well as the stellar words of Non, James, Chris and Nicole, I'm now a project manager at Column Five Media in Newport Beach. Woo!
If your duties include writing run-on sentences, you will do great. Asswipe.
ReplyDeleteIf you were looking to be the first person this century to use the burn "asswipe," you did it. Congrats.
ReplyDeleteMalcom fears the middle, I see.
ReplyDeleteWhoever this is, let me tell you how generally impressed I am with your stunningly dated references.
ReplyDeleteA boy like you isn't worth meeting the world.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
ReplyDelete^Topanga got you off in '96, but Corey Feldman never seemed trustworthy.
ReplyDeleteAnd to you, Jake, I leave you with this:
"You know, the period of World War I and the Roaring Twenties were really just about the same as today. You worked, and you made a living if you could, and you tired to make the best of things. For an actor or a dancer, it was no different then than today. It was a struggle"
It is about time you got a job. It is the dregs like you, spending your unemployment checks on mary jane and plastic wrapped magazines, that send this beautiful county spiraling into a world of regret and self pity. For shame, Jake, for shame.
ReplyDeleteThere's no way all the Anonymous comments on this post are by the same person, because a person with this much free time on their hands and so little focus on their own life would have surely killed themselves by now.
ReplyDeleteEVEN THOUGH I'M ALMOST POSITIVE I KNOW WHO THIS IS AND THAT PERSON IS TECHNICALLY DEAD INSIDE.
ReplyDeleteA witty saying proves nothing.
ReplyDeleteThe only people who say that wit doesn't prove anything are people who can't be witty, but I enjoy anyone who can find pride in their ineptitude.
ReplyDeleteThe safest course is to do nothing against one's conscience. With this secret, we can enjoy life and have no fear from death.
ReplyDelete