"restless and reckless"

"restless and reckless"
after nothing in particular by jake kilroy.

i know that my ears are rusting over the sound of the future,
and i'm only digging two graves on each side of my head
every time i end up in a bedroom to play music.

but how else are us gentlemen supposed to stay warm
between the beds and the vans and the wilderness?
all these church notes scribbled in holy ink
are busting from the guts of a shoebox
that technically only exists in a poem.

and so does that magic coin trick of the fingers
that pays for every drink that hits those red lips,
sweetheart.

i've been called a snake charmer at best
and a charming snake at worst,
or so came the blasting poetry
from my think tank of a conscience,
all while i remembered the girl
i promised blues to on the road to chicago,
though we later danced to ella fitzgerald
on a jukebox tucked away under
elvis presley and pink walls.

god, i went mad for her.

i went mad for her when she was lost to nyc.
i went mad for her when she came home.
i went mad for her when i lost her to europe.
i went mad for her when she returned.
and i went mad for her when i knew she'd be married.
but i never went crazy.
maybe that was the trouble.

one wild summer and a dozen long winters
all came to be religious textbooks for romantics,
as we wrote longhand to each other,
stuffing love letters under the mattress
like separate outlaw incomes.

when i finally made it to new york,
i was ten years too late.
when i made it to manhood,
i was five years too early.
autumn leaves flew by like the present,
and the wind wrapped the coasts together for me,
as i slumped on a stoop cursing the good life
and trying not to get drunk on cheap champagne.

oh, i was endless then.
i was an eternity in those clothes.
i was youth eternal and immaculate.
i could've lived forever in those days.
but then came a sound i'll never forget.
it was the pulse of a heartbeat,
and all was forgiven.