"when the hunger bites back"

"when the hunger bites back"
written after months of jesterdom by jake kilroy.

my biggest mistake was seeing time as linear
and not a scrambled celestial body;
human faculties slammed bloody against the future,
memorizing mesmerizing accidents colliding
as if these hands we see as ships weren't wayward.

what's done can be undone and opened,
or ripped apart, closed, and broken.
these grains in our bones, this lust in our eyes,
all of our senses can be beaten to a pulp
and taken in a glass bowl to be sipped by a god
or a dream or a magnificent nothing
we built to be either
when we needed it.

but this is a sleepless pact,
made halfway between home and dawn;
drowsy slurs coughing up the hope,
the dreaded weapon we used in battle,
just as sharp as it's ever been,
without a set direction
or a clean throat to burn.

when i was young, i believed in the empires.
as i aged, i couldn't believe in anything else.
in that time, i learned noise and truth,
and i realized the difference isn't passion;
it's words.

it's what keeps a salesman fed.
it's what quenches any morning drought.
it's the magic that gets kicked in the gutter
to give a rat the future in a city of more rats.
it's buried in waste, where it belongs,
because any museum piece can be stolen,
and we want the pauper to be prince
instead of the royal veins that bleed just as bad.

so whatever i gave to myself in church
is still whatever i give myself now,
and it's anything i can stomach.

Reading is Everything

"Reading is everything. Reading makes me feel like I've accomplished something, learned something, become a better person. Reading makes me smarter. Reading gives me something to talk about later on. Reading is the unbelievably healthy way my attention deficit disorder medicates itself. Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it's a way to make contact with reality after a day of making things up, and it's a way of making contact with someone else's imagination after a day that's all too real. Reading is grist. Reading is bliss."

- Nora Ephron

Interactive Storytelling

For the first decade of the new century, journalists fumbled with new wave narrative like a nervous junior high kid does with a bra. It was all "this is what I think I'm supposed to be doing," and it reeked of doubt and desperation. Then, some came to really understand how to combine the best elements of print, broadcast, and web, and no mainstream periodical has done that better than The New York Times. Scope out their 2013 collection of interactive storytelling.

2013: A Survey of Existence

2013: A Survey of Existence
by Jake Kilroy

Where​ did you begin​ 2013?​​
Cackling on a beach in Mexico, using loved ones as human shields, as the fireworks went haywire and the Christmas tree went up in flames according to plan.

Have any life changes in 2013?​

Moved out of the Romelle House. Moved into the parents' house. Moved out of the parents' house. Moved into an apartment.

Where​ did you go on vacation?​

Snuck winter days in Mexico. Took on the cabin fever of Big Bear. Wound up in Seattle for a week. Kicked it in Big Sur for a short spell. Beyond that, all the adventures were local and just as silly.

What'​​​s the one thing​ you thought you would​ never​ do but did in 2013?

Actually ordain a wedding (and not fuck it up). Actually plan a high school reunion (and not fuck it up).

What was your favorite moment?

Brunch the day after my high school reunion. I couldn't believe it was over. I was beyond joyous. Planning my high school reunion was easily the most stressed out I've ever been.

What was your biggest accomplishment?

Aside from the wedding and the reunion, I co-wrote a screenplay that was strictly done for profit. Writing for money instead of creative fulfillment is way harder, I learned.

What was your favorite TV programs for the year?

Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire, Community, Sherlock, Bob's Burgers, Parks And Recreation, Archer.

What was the best book you read this year?

Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen.

What was your favorite film of the year?

Gravity, by Alfonso Cuarón.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

Lumberjack without the heart and soul meets urban millennial figuring out privilege.

What song will always remind you of 2013?

"Shoorah! Shoorah!" by Betty Wright

What did you do on your birthday?

We had everyone over for all-day croquet, and then a dozen or two of my favorite people sat around our living room in the bare light of the evening and sang songs with Blake playing guitar.

What was your best month​?​​​

October. I really went for it.

What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

I should've sent out my novel. Or my movie. Or my poetry book. Or any of my projects, really.

What kept you sane this year?

Acceptance.

What celebrity did you fancy the most?

Olivia Wilde continues to strike me as wonderful, dazzling, and glorious.

Drinking buddy of the year?

Scott, Tony, Chase, Rex, and Chase.

Smoking buddy of the year?

The rough-housin' locals.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My entire behavior this year was celebration.

Whose behavior disappointed you?

Mine, especially. The government's, especially.

Any regular activities?

Annuals: Kilroy Family's End of the Summer Party, Swaylocks, Sarvas Christmas Party. Semi-regulars:  Sunday evening dinners, Wednesday evening basketball, movie nights in Norco.

Favorite night​ out?

We filmed a music video in the Romelle backyard in June, and I'm pretty sure that was it. Hell, it had everything.

Start​ a new hobby​?​

Home decor and minor improvement. I also started taking evening baths to relax, you know, like some sort of fallen demigod of masculinity.

Any slumps?

Honestly, I don't think this year had one. I barreled through the months like I was trying to get caught red-handed.

Been naughty or nice?​​

I was nicer last year. And, sure, I was naughty this year, but in a delusions of grandeur kind of way. Nothing ruinous or villainous (for the most part).

Any regrets?​​​

Not seeing family enough.

Do you have any New Year'​​​s resolutions?​

Write. Exercise. Travel. Embrace. Maintain.

Overall,​​​ how would​ you rate this year?​​​

Bonkers. Better than 2012, but still maybe not as good as 2014.

What do you want to change in 2014?​

I want to kill the worries.

What are you wishing for in 2014?

Stability.