2013: A Survey of Existence

2013: A Survey of Existence
by Jake Kilroy

Where​ did you begin​ 2013?​​
Cackling on a beach in Mexico, using loved ones as human shields, as the fireworks went haywire and the Christmas tree went up in flames according to plan.

Have any life changes in 2013?​

Moved out of the Romelle House. Moved into the parents' house. Moved out of the parents' house. Moved into an apartment.

Where​ did you go on vacation?​

Snuck winter days in Mexico. Took on the cabin fever of Big Bear. Wound up in Seattle for a week. Kicked it in Big Sur for a short spell. Beyond that, all the adventures were local and just as silly.

What'​​​s the one thing​ you thought you would​ never​ do but did in 2013?

Actually ordain a wedding (and not fuck it up). Actually plan a high school reunion (and not fuck it up).

What was your favorite moment?

Brunch the day after my high school reunion. I couldn't believe it was over. I was beyond joyous. Planning my high school reunion was easily the most stressed out I've ever been.

What was your biggest accomplishment?

Aside from the wedding and the reunion, I co-wrote a screenplay that was strictly done for profit. Writing for money instead of creative fulfillment is way harder, I learned.

What was your favorite TV programs for the year?

Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire, Community, Sherlock, Bob's Burgers, Parks And Recreation, Archer.

What was the best book you read this year?

Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen.

What was your favorite film of the year?

Gravity, by Alfonso Cuarón.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

Lumberjack without the heart and soul meets urban millennial figuring out privilege.

What song will always remind you of 2013?

"Shoorah! Shoorah!" by Betty Wright

What did you do on your birthday?

We had everyone over for all-day croquet, and then a dozen or two of my favorite people sat around our living room in the bare light of the evening and sang songs with Blake playing guitar.

What was your best month​?​​​

October. I really went for it.

What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

I should've sent out my novel. Or my movie. Or my poetry book. Or any of my projects, really.

What kept you sane this year?

Acceptance.

What celebrity did you fancy the most?

Olivia Wilde continues to strike me as wonderful, dazzling, and glorious.

Drinking buddy of the year?

Scott, Tony, Chase, Rex, and Chase.

Smoking buddy of the year?

The rough-housin' locals.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My entire behavior this year was celebration.

Whose behavior disappointed you?

Mine, especially. The government's, especially.

Any regular activities?

Annuals: Kilroy Family's End of the Summer Party, Swaylocks, Sarvas Christmas Party. Semi-regulars:  Sunday evening dinners, Wednesday evening basketball, movie nights in Norco.

Favorite night​ out?

We filmed a music video in the Romelle backyard in June, and I'm pretty sure that was it. Hell, it had everything.

Start​ a new hobby​?​

Home decor and minor improvement. I also started taking evening baths to relax, you know, like some sort of fallen demigod of masculinity.

Any slumps?

Honestly, I don't think this year had one. I barreled through the months like I was trying to get caught red-handed.

Been naughty or nice?​​

I was nicer last year. And, sure, I was naughty this year, but in a delusions of grandeur kind of way. Nothing ruinous or villainous (for the most part).

Any regrets?​​​

Not seeing family enough.

Do you have any New Year'​​​s resolutions?​

Write. Exercise. Travel. Embrace. Maintain.

Overall,​​​ how would​ you rate this year?​​​

Bonkers. Better than 2012, but still maybe not as good as 2014.

What do you want to change in 2014?​

I want to kill the worries.

What are you wishing for in 2014?

Stability.

2012: A Survey

Where​ did you begin​ 2012?​​
South of the border with the most amazing crew of righteous folk ever to hold surfboards, books, and guitars; just as I did for 2013, just as I did for 2011, just as I did for 2010, just as I did for 2009, just as I will next year probably.

Have any life changes in 2012?​​​

Started a new job and solidified my career direction of advertising, at least for a while.

Where​ did you go on vacation?​

Bookend Mexico mania. San Francisco recovery. Big Bear cabin laze. Seattle party adventure. Big Sur comfort. A few wild getaways of shorter natures. Still not even close to being enough travel.

What'​​​s the one thing​ you thought you would​ never​ do but did in 2012?

Be 100% happy with a job.

What was your favorite moment?

Running down a neighboring street on Fourth of July with serious fireworks being shot off all around me. It felt like that scene in The Sandlot, except there were no oldies playing and I had been drinking all day and was borderline delirious.

What was your biggest accomplishment?

I finished writing my screenplay, West Coast, and I sent out my novel, Darby's Last Year.

What was your favorite TV program for the year?

The Wire, for sure, though I discovered it years too late. Also, Boardwalk Empire.

What was the best book you read this year?

House Of Leaves, by Mark Z. Danielewski. It will always be a darkness I carry with me. Truly the most "book" I've ever read.

What was your favorite film of the year?

Looper. I can't remember a time that I wished I had written a movie more.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

"Hey, look at me kinda-sorta make an effort!"

What song will always remind you of 2012?

"Blood" by The Middle East.

What did you do on your birthday?

I played croquet with some chaps and realized, alongside said chaps, that croquet is the best.

What was your best month​?​​​

March. That was a month that didn't stop laughing. My calendar was just frantically scribbled exclamation points every weekend.

What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

Not always being on the verge of being broke. But, then again, recklessly spending all that money technically made my year way more satisfying.

What kept you sane this year?

Writing. Always. More specifically, though, it was poetry this year.

What celebrity did you fancy the most?

Olivia Wilde, with a brief "hot diggity" for Alison Brie. I ENJOY HER ABILITY TO SUCCEED AT BOTH MAD MEN AND COMMUNITY. However, Olivia Wilde is the 10 of 10s. LOOK AT HER. JUST LOOK AT ALL THAT SHE IS.

Drinking buddy of the year?

Too many.

Smoking buddy of the year?

Not enough.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My brother's and mine when we were both unemployed for three weeks at the beginning of the year. We treated funemployment like a sprint that should've been a marathon. It was like we were wearing the seven deadly sins as robes.

Whose behavior disappointed you?

Mine/the government's, per usual.

Any regular activities?

Outstanding weekly activities included Sunday morning basketball, Monday night writing, and Wednesday's recent "Record Nights." Beloved annual activities included Kilroy Family's End of the Summer Party, Swaylocks, Second Thanksgiving, Sarvas Christmas Party, and Mexico New Year's.

Favorite night​ out?

Without consideration of travel or women, I'd still say there's quite a few in the running. But I'd say it was probably the 24-hour San Diego backyard party.

Start​ a new hobby​?​

Evening bike rides. Therapeutic, healthy, fun. Only activity I can describe like that with my clothes on.

Any slumps?

I don't know what it was, but summer dragged with the other seasons being tremendous. 2011 saw the same weird lull. Guess what, 2013? We're not doing that shit again. WE'RE DOING SUMMER LIKE IT'S A BAD BITCH BEGGING. Also, 2013, let's make sure I don't use the phrase "bad bitch begging" again.

Been naughty or nice?​​

Honestly, this was one of the only years I'd say I was overall pretty nice and legitimately deserved Christmas presents.

Any regrets?​​​

Heeeeeeell yes. It's the most dangerous game, ain't it?

Do you have any New Year'​​​s resolutions?​

Do good. Be decent.

Overall,​​​ how would​ you rate this year?​​​

Not as rad as 2011 was, not as spectacular as 2013's gonna be.

What do you want to change in 2013?​

Indefinite stability of the wallet and brain.

What are you wishing for in 2013?

A writing career.

2011: A Survey

Where​ did you begin​ 2011?​​

On a beach in Mexico, next to a Christmas tree on fire, screaming, "Aaaaannnnaaaaaaarchy!" Save for the screaming, that's how I ended it too.

Have any life changes in 2011?​​​
Moved out again, this time into a clean, quiet young adult house. Naturally, we're still acting like kids with drinking problems, but we clean up after ourselves now.

Where​ did you go on vacation?​
New York City, Seattle, Oregon, Las Vegas, Big Sur, Mexico (a few times), Santa Cruz (a few times), Joshua Tree (a few times), Big Bear (a few times).

What'​​​s the one thing​ you thought you would​ never​ do but did in 2011?
Watch my company collapse.​

What was your favorite moment?
Wandering New York City for the first time. Seriously.

What was your biggest accomplishment?
I finished my novel, which, even though I've been looking to do that for years, was still a surprise. To be honest, whenever I start a project, I usually assume I won't actually finish it.

What was your favorite TV program for the year?
Hard to say, as I discovered both Parks And Recreation and Community this year.

What was the best book you read this year?
The Girl Who Played With Fire by Steig Larsson.

What was your favorite film of the year?
Midnight In Paris (by Woody Allen).

How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
"These are the shirts in my closet. Most of them button. Watch me wear 'em."

What song will always remind you of 2011?
"All My Friends" by LCD Soundsystem.

What did you do on your birthday?
I bailed on work to go shoe-shopping with Rex before we met up with Jeff and Greg for a few beer flights. Then I hung out with my family. I've come to really enjoy not planning shit for my birthday.

What was your best month​?​​​
April. Easily. Hell, it may have been the best month of my life. That was a solid month of laughing non-stop. For a brief month, I figured out life better than I ever had before. I'm pretty sure that I was going to bed grinning most spring nights.

What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Not having to invest $4,000 in my car. Maybe putting that money towards something more practical...like a really nice titty bar.

What kept you sane this year?
Writing.

What celebrity did you fancy the most?
At the beginning of the year, it was Rachel McAdams. By the end, it was Olivia Wilde. Look at me grow as a person!

Drinking buddy of the year?
Rex and Chase. Definitely.

Smoking buddy of the year?
Grant. Definitely.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone who was at Greg's house nearly every spring weekend for drinking and swimming.

Whose behavior disappointed you?
Mine/the government's.

Any regular activities?
Sunday night family dinners at my parents' house, Monday night writing at Non and Jessica's house, Wednesday night basketball, Sunday morning basketball...and a brief period of Tuesday night backyard movies.

Favorite night​ out?

Memorial Day Weekend. Saturday, if I'm getting specific. Danced all night on the coast of Oregon. It was the perfect night. I'd relive it again and again if I could. Honorable Mentions: the Superfriends' Star Wars Saturday. That was one long, glorious day and night of destroying my body. We bought food from Del Taco, Little Cesears and KFC while drinking Irish car bombs and a $100 bottle of the finest Jameson. It was horrifyingly rewarding. If not that day, then I should mention the afternoon Chase, Rex and I spent drinking mimosas in our underwear before heading to Joshua Tree. Or any drive up the coast with those two. Or that all day swim session with everyone at Greg's house. Or his Christmas party. Or...actually, this could go on forever. I had a lot of fun this year.

Start​ a new hobby​?​
Coming up with really ludicrous ideas and grand plans with Grant in the basement. Also, I wrote my first television pilot and most of a movie screenplay for the first times.

Any slumps?
I spent the summer uneasy.

Been naughty or nice?​​
Twas a fair balance of disease.

Any regrets?​​​
Not being on hallucinogens with James for The Natural History Museum in New York.

Do you have any New Year'​​​s resolutions?​
Yeah, but they never make any sense. It's always like "don't get stung by bees" or "get even taller."

Overall,​​​ how would​ you rate this year?​​​
On a scale of one to ten, I would say...spectacular!

What do you want to change in 2012?​
Either get in better shape or go for all-out warfare on my body.

What are you wishing for in 2012?
One hell of a year.​