Apparently, this motherfucker is a singer too. Yes, Antonio Bandares can sing. Beautifully, I guess. For some reason, my immediate reaction was "Oh, fuck you, you son of a bitch. Acting wasn't good enough?"
And then my reaction was "Oh, well, of course he's a singer. He's from Spain."
And then came the gigantic realization that I think all attractive men from Spain can sing. I don't know when exactly I started thinking that, but I'm quite sure now that all beautiful Spanish men can sing wonderfully.
Fuck, they're probably great lovers too. I mean, right? I don't know. I just look at them and I'm almost positive that they could please my girlfriend better than I ever could even dream (even without her Spanish fetish).
I bet a 13-year-old Spanish boy could please a supermodel better with his first boner than a twentysomething white guy can on his best night. The most charming twentysomething American guy would still flail and flop like a fish out of water compared to a Spanish boy's first go at pussy.
I don't know if it's science, but as soon as Spanish boys hit puberty, I feel like they suddenly understand the female body better than I ever could hope. They would know about mythical things or things they made-up (which turn into magic realism), like, "the rear orgasm" or something.
For sure. A fuckin' kid from Spain and I would be hanging out drinking Sangria and some hot bitch would walk by and just tell me I was a loser because I was sitting next to this suave Spanish boy, who would be fascinated and obsessed with the first wiggle in his new ballsack. But she would still sit next to him and ask what he was doing later. Then, he'd ask to see her ass.
"Sure thing, anything for you, little man," the woman in the tight maroon dress would say.
"What the fuck is happening?" I would say, bewildered.
"Here, I show you," that fucking kid would whisper to me. And then, to my unending suprise, he would pull back the girl's buttcheeks and show me a clit right above her anus.
"What the hell? I didn't even know there was a second clit hidden there!" I would exclaim in the bar.
"Yes, yes, I know. I figured you wouldn't have...ah...how do you say...heard of it. But do not worry, my friend, I will help you," the smug son of a bitch would say.
The girl, pulling her dress back down to cover her gorgeous rump would turn to him and ask, "Can you sing?"
"But of course," he would say with a shrug. And then he'd sing a ballad while having sex with every hot girl in the bar. I'm sure of it.
And he would do it all with his first real dick.
God, I kinda fucking hate Spanish men now. What a bunch of sexy douchebags.
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