"Greyhound Buses"

"Greyhound Buses"
a feverish poem in winter by jake kilroy.

As you sit in the balcony of an east coast theater,
you watch the dancer moving to a song you hear,
but you weren't listening too well then,
and you wouldn't for the entire weekend.

You'd sit on the greyhound bus,
keep your face to the window,
give up rhyme, give up reason,
and only ever hear that piano.

All structure would be lost and the lines would show in your face like cracks in an old book depository. Sure, there's knowledge in there somewhere, but it looks like ruins built by strong poets. You feel like a rambling mess. The sound of the piano plays your nerves like the keys you knew would pluck your heartstrings like an orchestra in another simile from your education as a youth. It was so long ago, those memories. Well, send them home. Oh God, send them home, you think. Don't let me listen to another song, see another dancer or write another poem as long as I live, you beg, as you struggle even to put your head in your hands. The sky is too blue, the trees are too green and the closer this all seems to a dream, the more impossible everything appears, which only makes you find it more real, which only shakes you more uncontrollably, which only makes you want to hear music, watch artists and write down every thought you've ever had. But this is not the time, nor the place. You need a bed to love, you need a desk to write, but you need a bus to give up or reinforce. Greyhound buses were designed for people like you. Greyhound buses were designed for long drives where you wonder about everything, from your childhood to your last birthday, from your first toy to your last job, from your first love to your last lover. Greyhound buses were designed so that you would always think that a movie camera was on you. Greyhound buses were designed to be a last resort. Greyhound buses were designed for wayward or romantic travelers. Greyhound buses were designed for you to wonder how you'd do it all if you could do it all over again. They were designed for hours and daydreams and you just have to sit back and let yourself fall apart beautifully.