If I Wrote Old Movies: Volume II

"If I Wrote Old Movies: Volume II"
by Jake Kilroy

"Why, I'd lose my mind if I couldn't have you."

"Oh, Joe, I love it when you talk like that."

"Ah, shucks, Harriet. I'd sure do a lot for you."

"Is that right?"

"Well, sure! Sure, that's right! It's as true as a whistle, ain't it? Why, Harriet, if it were up to me, we'd be together forever."

"So why can't we?"

"Ah, come on, Harriet, you know we can't. You're married! I'm married! It just wouldn't do, you know? Especially not in a town like this. Why, we'd be run outta town! You know that."

"But what if we could, Joe? What if we could? Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful?"

"Oh, that would be just swell, Harriet. But, like I said before, we can't! You know we can't. Why should we get our hopes up? We'll always be married to other people."

"Ah, heck, I wish we weren't. Say...now there's an idea!"

"What is it, Harriet?"

"Joe, I've just had the most spectacular idea! We can be together and our spouses won't speak a word!"

"No fooling?"

"No fooling!"

"Well, how are we going to do that?"

"I kill your wife and you kill my husband!"

"Harriet...no! Oh, no! Now, I may not be the best husband around, but I'm no murderer! And you're not either!"

"The hell I'm not, Joe! I've got something inside of me just dying to get out. And I want it to be for you. I want it all to be for you!"

"Say, what is this? You tryin' to make a fool outta me?"

"Not at all, Joe! No, I'm going to make you something alright, but it ain't a fool. I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world, and I'll do whatever it takes."

"Harriet, you're talking like a crazy person!"

"Maybe I am crazy, but it's love I'm crazy with."

"No, Harriet! Come on, you're starting to scare me."

"I'm going to undress now, Joe...and by the time my last piece of clothing hits the floor, you better be on my side. I don't want you on the other side, you understand? I don't want you on anybody's side but mine."

"Oh, Harriet, you know I can't..."

"This is your last chance, Joe. I either kill your wife or I kill you. But I'm not going to be some married man's parlor trick anymore!"

"Please, Harriet..."

"Joe, you're about to make the best or worst decision of your life."

"No, no, no!"

"I only got one thing left on me, Joe. You better make up your mind quick."

But there were only tears left in Joe's head.