"when i saw my bones in the woods"

"when i saw my bones in the woods"

written on a memory by jake kilroy.

i saw my bones once,

in a hallucination

in a campsite bathroom

in my youth.

and all i could think was,

isn't that what aging is?

doesn't age sneak up like that,

like a thief in the night,

taking your precious youth

and leaving you with the remains?

you're fat, then muscle,

then bones, then dust.

but if i were a skeleton,

a lucky one with a top hat,

my tux would always be fitted

and i'd spend my night in closets

sharing secrets with demons.

how bad is too bad?

at the time i saw my bones in the woods,

i wanted to be an actor.

but i knew i wouldn't ever leave the characters.

i'd store them within myself until they broke out.

it was a close call -

i was nearly an abandoned storage container

of bittersweet dreamers and cowardly rogues.

i was too young to have guts,

so i used my imagination

until i grew into my sharp tongue

and found a grand laugh

that resided in me like a hermit,

living on a cliff,

living on whatever he could.

when i left the bathroom,

i told my father what i saw.

he told me, sometimes mirrors do that.

i asked him what mirrors did.

he said, sometimes they show you what you don't want to see.

and he gave me a smile

so i gave him a nod.

and then i lost my eyes in the fire

and roasted my marshmallow,

and never spoke of it again.