Below is this morning's text message conversation after Matthew saw the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. As with anything, my brother and I spin wildly out of control.
*Disclaimer: There are threats here that sound like spoilers. I can't tell you, as I haven't seen the movie yet. However, I can tell you that my brother always tells me characters die in every single movie he sees before I do.*
Matthew: Bane soooo good! Epic movie, when you seeing it or did you?
Jake: Awesome. Stoked. Seeing it Sunday.
Matthew: Thats cool...waiting is cool, I already saw it...whatever, no biggie. Sundays cool though too. What? Patronizing? Nah, not me fella. How many Batman movies have you seen? 2? Oh, neat. Me? Oh, well I have seen the entire trilogy...Well, talk to you later pal.
Jake: You know who wouldn't have liked that text? Batman.
Matthew: Are you some expert now? What do you possible know about Batman. You haven't seen the struggle of the 3rd movie. Guy gets pushed to da motha fuckin edge...the least I can do is be there for him. And you...and YOU!...sleeping in your cozy fuckin bed pretending you got his back. Citizen, step it up!
Jake: Yeah, I'm an expert. I've read anthologies on America's vigilante hero, late at night, alone, studying for a test of character that I pray never comes. What'd you do, toss some Jujubees into your shit-eating grin and worry like a little girl when Bane got buckwild? Motherfucker, I read KNIGHTFALL. I could write a criminal justice paper on the maniac.
Matthew: Yes, Jake. Yes. Use that anger. You have a cute relationship with Batman, thats sweet. Do you kiss him ganight on his wittle Bat nose, or kiss his wittle Bat wips? Or fuck is big ass blackk diuck?
Jake: Oh, you think crime in Gotham is a joke? You think Batman appreciates you crackin' wise? Batman needs all the help he can get, and you're out there replacing Ls with Ws. That's real helpful. Also, it doesn't surprise me that you can't spell "dick" correctly. Your favorite Justice League member is probably Aquaman.
Matthew: Aquaman makes me super let. Treat me nicely or Ill begin to hold the third movie hostage and release a snip it of info for every cutting remark in the future. This isss your reckoning Jake Kilroy. The possibilities of the third movie hold still on a thin sheet of ice. So tread lightly, brother, the end is near. Where is your Batman now?
Jake: I know those words...you son of a bitch...you madman! But to play idle in the end times is hardly fitting of those who believe in honor and justice. I am a man without costs. I am a servant of the people, even to those who betray me. I won't become the villain that you have evolved into. I will protect integrity as all that I love shatters before my watchful eyes. But you...you're the brother this family deserves, not the one it needs right now.
Matthew: Fair enough...Gordon dies BANG! Did you think I was kidding? Did you think this was a game? There will be no surprises left, your enjoyment will be sucked dry and for what? Your integrity? Catwoman dies. BANG! I will take everything that you love and break it. Come Sunday, you will sit in the darkness and watch feeling the nothingness, missing out on the emotions that I rode knowing not what would come next during the sinister blackness of midnight. But you will already know what is to come! Praising those around you for their genuine weeping or happiness. You will sit there, hoping you forget what I told you...praying, but that moment will not come. I have not texted to ruin the third movie, I have come to crush your soul, killing your enjoyment of Batman, stringing you along a precept of hope that will be nothing more than a mere illusion. Welcome to hell.
Jake: If the monstrous cruelty that your unclean sweaty pubic hair-encrusted fingers have typed is true, then I swear on the tragic pile of shit that you half-wittingly decided to call a life, I will never let you feel safe again. I will pay hundreds of dollars for advanced screenings and illegal copies and give them to myself for every Christmas to come. All you will receive from me is a note telling you the ending of every television show and movie you even had a slight fucking interest in seeing. Here's a hint on your "life," you mouthy bag of fear and regret: the ending will be long and miserable.
Matthew: But...it isnt possible. I BROKE you. You should lay there taking all that I have thrown at you...and yet, you stand. You were supposed to crawl and with your dying, trembling hand reach out to me and beg me to stop. Me, crouching down to slap it away and whisper "no." You should be in pieces with fear and hurt.
Jake: Criminals aren't complicated. You just have to know what they're after. What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? The world is full of people ready to believe in good. Sometimes, the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes, people deserve more. Sometimes, people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
Matthew: Do not think this the end. We stand on the shoulders of the past and call it a beginning. I am not the first or the last. I am a continuation! Once you start this fight, it never shall end. Your hollow threats, your empty heroism will not stand proud for long. You have made a mess of things today and you will be praised by the weak for it as the strong retreat to regroup and stoke your pampered ego. Wait is all that you will do until the next time we meet. So prepare, for it will only be me that you think about henceforth for the remainder of days and when you least expect it, I will take all that you love.
Jake: Not everything comes at once, little brother. Not wit, not disease, not revenge. Do not mistake waiting as fear. It is hunger that I beg of my body. It is the practice of the lion to wait in the high grass. A king fights when the horde arrives. A fool fights when the anger comes. I anxiously await the battle, and I will endlessly fight the war.
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