If I Wrote Old Movies: Volume I

"Boxers"
by Jake Kilroy

"Hey, Charlie!"

"Oh, hiya, Gary. You're looking swell!"

"I'm trying! But I've got a long way to go until I'm as strong as you though. Say, where you been? We ain't seen you around here much these days."

"Oh, don't I know it. You know Mary, she's not exactly the going-out type. And she's been pretty busy, what with the baby and all."

"Say! That's right! How is that baby of yours?"

"Oh, fine, fine. Going to be a boxer some day. I was holding it last night and the little bugger got me right in the nose."

"Ah gee, that's swell, Charlie. You're a family man now!"

"Yes, yes, but don't think I've lost steam! No, sir! I'm as serious as...as...say, what do you call those things when your heart seizes up?"

"A heart attack?"

"Yeah, yeah, there you go. I'm as serious as a heart attack."

"No kidding! I'd never put you up against my old man."

"Well, what about you? Say! Now, that's an idea! Why don't you and I box?"

"Oh, I don't know, Charlie...my wrist has been acting awfully funny lately."

"Nonsense! Besides, I've already got a few grams of cocaine in me and I had a few cocktails this morning, so it won't really matter how hard you try."

"Charlie! It's not even noon!"

"Don't talk to me like that, Gary. Mary used that tone with me this morning and she's taking a nap on the floor right now, if you know what I mean."

"Jesus, Charlie!"

"I'm going to beat your brains in, you doe-eyed fuck."

"Charlie..."

"Let's box, motherfucker!"