"i still..."

"i still..."
written in bed by jake kilroy.

i want you to know that i still get drunk
and look at pictures of you.
i want you to know that i still cook
and make meals for two.

and i want you to know that i still hate
poems that have to rhyme.

i still smoke in my underwear
and stare at the moon
just to narrate what happens in my backyard.

i still play with my fake gun
until my dog doesn't move
and i shoot the nearest piece of glass in the room.

i still rearrange my bookshelves
when i don't go out at night
but stay home to promise myself a living.

i still hold onto the clothes
that i haven't worn in years
because i don't want to ever be underdressed.

i still keep my stereo unplugged
because the lights are too bright
and i can't fall asleep to music without dreaming.

i still write love letters to women
that i'm not in love with
and wait for them to write me the same pretty words.

i still watch black and white movies
to remember the past fondly
and consider the present and plot against the future.

i still have candles in my room
just in case i lose my nerves
and decide to burn the house down with everything in it.

and i still write nonsense poems
that are just as off-key
as memories, rituals, ideas and shrugs, lovingly held.