"fever dream"

"fever dream"
after a sunday of losing it by jake kilroy.

i went insane some sabbath afternoon
after an evening on the floor
and a drive down the coast
there was no beginning no end
barely a middle
just scraps of a day
remnants of a life
my mouth yawned
my fingers shook
my guts tossed and turned
as if cocaine glittered my lungs
acid rivers poured through my arms
and heroin coursed through my airy head
though all i had to call my own
was a body-heavy sobriety
and a will i thought was to live
maybe it was the six or seven cups of coffee
or the proschuetto i accidentally ate
after two decades of no meat
but i was vomiting surreal
and begging for forgiveness
from a dozen women not present
and a god that's never been there
all the while yelling and twitching
and tearing at my dry salty skin
like it was a blanket in summer
even though it was february
i had nothing
there was nothing
it was only ever nothing
but by the next day
it felt like a fever dream
that existed on a postcard
that was lost to my closet
so i showered and washed my sheets
put the books back on the shelf
and forgot to eat breakfast
and that was the worst of it
finally